18/08/2009 by christ.

Following on from the government employing another member of the Russian royal family (surely there is only one Tsar at a time?), as head of online campaigning for the Labour party, I couldn’t help wondering what a waste of time this all is. Bristol East MP Kerry McCarthy has been appointed to get the Labour message across to Britain’s internet nation in time for the next election. This means that she and her minions will be utilising Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites as investments in their cause.

However, if you are going to campaign for a political party, using Twitter to put your policies forward isn’t a good idea unless you are simply linking to a blog or website. For a start, a 140 character limit will highlight any transparency or lack of policy if it can be posted there in it’s entirety! Additionally, the majority of people who post on Twitter are not concerned with politics, just obsessed with pushing the mundane aspects of their daft lives on other people.

“Hi guys, just going to bed with my copy of Gordon’s biography. Ciao!”

I don’t think so, do you?

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05/08/2009 by christ.

Are we the first generation that thinks other people give a big steaming turd about everything we do?! Unfortunately due to the rise of ‘Web 2.0′, people who would have previously cast you out of the village for using new technology, are now using cut-price laptops to chatter aimlessly on Twitter and Facebook. Oh, and it is aimless with a capital ‘A’.

“Getting my hair done today.”

“Chantelle said ‘bitch’ today! She is my world!”

“Deanster is on the bog.”

“Going to bed now. Night, night, people!!”

“Shaz took her pills from the doctor as she can’t cope with her family, job and her man. Feeling so low. Eating chocolate and feeling fat, this isn’t my fault.”

I DON’T CARE!!!!!!!! Think of the savings on my sanity you could make by not telling everyone your every bloody action! Who do you lot think you are? The Queen? Cliff Richard? Fiona ‘I get paid huge sums for being incompetent’ Phillips? No, you’re just a hairdresser from Chelmsford who’s just worked out how to press the ‘on’ button on her computer, who is wasting electricity just to tell people what TV show you’re watching!

Where are the men in white coats? Just take me away NOW!!!!

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13/03/2009 by christ.

I turned on the TV this morning and what did I see? GMTV! Much to my disgust, it’s still on. I even, horror of horrors, saw Mr Motivator on there! Now I know that the country is really going down the pan, if they have to resort to UK’s most terrifying keep-fit nutter to boost their ratings.

Obviously the loss (?) of Fiona Phillips has hit them hard in the goolies, but surely they have more brain-numbing toss to throw at us than Derek and his scarily tight cycling shorts. They still have the rest of their ’stars’ to provide us with daily truckloads of Celebrity gossip, awful pop music and Lorraine Kelly. Why bring back Mr Motivator? Was it because the McDonalds he worked in was closed down?

Why couldn’t they at least got rid of another presenter? The King of smug, Andrew Castle, could have received his ticket back to Wimbledon. Come back Richard Madeley, all is forgiven….

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17/02/2009 by christ.

GMTV. I think I only watch it because I’m glutton for punishment and too timid to ask to be whipped. What does the average person want out of a Breakfast news show? News? Weather? Features on forthcoming important events or issues that affect the British people? Unfortunately, you’d get more of that from an episode of ‘Postman Pat’ than on Good Morning Television.

No, instead you’ll get only three minutes of news and weather squeezed in between some odious celeb shamelessly plugging their new attempt to cling-on-to-fame fitness video/makeover show, whilst Fiona Phillips swoons over their ’strength of character’. Either that, or it’ll be some poorly researched, sensationalist tittle-tattle on fat kids or pissed-up, potentially barren women.

The only light relief you get from this froth-fest is when a soap actor badly mimes to their latest single, before talking it up as though it’s going all the way to the top. GMTV may be bloody awful, but nowhere else on TV offers this type of hilarity anymore.

However this saving grace and the recent departure of Miss Phillips, does not save GMTV from becoming the main candidate for being shutdown and thrown into the vault of TV History. Unfortunately, this won’t happen, so the only other option is to throw out your TV.

P.S. I didn’t mention a certain Scotswoman once, did I? That would be too obvious!

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